Observations of: Costa Rica

These observations are a blast from the past! I wrote these in 2001. It was my first time outside of the United States and I didn’t yet speak Spanish. EVERYTHING was different to me so there are a lot of observations. I haven’t been back to the country for quite some time now, so things could very well have changed. But while I was there this is what I observed. Hope you enjoy them.

Maaaaan, I came down here all scared thinking with all these suave, Spanish speaking, good-looking Costa Rican men I was going to be put to shame and get no play. Thank God I was wrong! Costa Rican men are some of the corniest MF’s on the planet! They are short, dress like roadies from Metallica and have game at all. They have no respect or clue about women. It has taken me awhile to figure out what they are saying after asking my Spanish teachers….but how can a man of normal intelligence think asking a female if she swallows as you walk past is going to spark interest!? I swear! It happens ALL the time here! Doesn’t matter if the boyfriend or brother or whoever is walking, holding hands or kissing the female. Without fail at least 1 out of every 3 young males that pass will ask if she wants to A.) Suck dick B) Get poked in the bootie hole or C) Take a cum shower… I am not kidding! These are things that men say to women on the street in public! IN PUBLIC! No wonder the females in Costa Rica are always trying to date “Gringos”, i.e. non-Ticos. Is there some ritual in the country where newborn males are dropped on their frontal lobes or something? I have NEVER seen a Tico (Costa Ricans call themselves Tico or Tica depending on the gender) pull a female using any of those lines..Yet they keep on doing it. Oh, oh, this is another observation. Women don’t wear skirts here too often unless they are in large groups. They can’t because the men will actually stick their hands up under their skirts or try and pull them up as they walk past! What kinda fucced up shyte is that?? Women who wear skirts are like the newborn baby animals in those African Wildlife Preserves. All the males and female friends NOT wearing skirts are on the outside, with the skirt wearers on the inside. They form a protective ring around the women to keep out the idiot men who try to commit sexual assault. Sick bastards!

It is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong how Ticos act. But I can kinda see how living in a country with so many beautiful women can make you a little stupid. A little known fact, when a man gets an erection, the blood comes from his knee and his brain. That means he can’t run and he gets significantly less intelligent. Might explain the first observation a tiny bit better. And Ticas aren’t just beautiful….but SEXY. Oh my Lord are they sexy! They walk like they have these little radios playing Salsa music in their heads as they walk. All the movement is from their waists and they are just dancing down the streets. Throw in how they all dress like at any moment there could be an audition for a Hip Hop video vixon and it makes for some great people watching. Now, I am no woman, but if you are wearing jeans so tight that I can read the tag of your thong THROUGH your jeans….why even wear the damn things?? Is it just for the effect so the men know you are wearing a thong?? And backless shirts…Don’t women know that’s like putting a sign on your back in bright red letters that says look at my ass crack!? The line of your spine leads to your ass. How am I not supposed to stare!!?? I am only human!

Costa Rica is a country that borders both the Pacific and the Atlantic Oceans. It is amazing how different the beaches are on either coast. On the Atlantic side the water is always much warmer and calmer than the Pacific side. But if you are a surfer, you have to be on the Pacific side. One constant thing is, no good looking women go to the beach in Costa Rica. I have gone to quite a few beaches here, the Atlantic and Pacific side…Seems like ONLY the women who should not be wearing bikinis are at the beach! All the attractive women stay in the cities. Or maybe there are special days for certain types of bodies on the beach and I don’t realize it. I am not talking about perfect 10 bodies, I just mean normal. I am saying that women who wear normal bottom bikinis look like they are wearing G-Strings because their asses got hungry and sucked up all that material. And in the front they look naked because their stomach is hanging completely over the front of the bathing suit so you only see skin and think they are nude. It’s not just me either. Females from other countries have commented on this as well…the women in the cities who look amazing don’t go to the beach. Maybe because the men act so badly when they have on clothes and they are afraid to be out in swimsuits where those idiots might act even more out of line….Damn you Ticos!!

Buses are cheap as hell to take in Costa Rica. And buses take you anywhere in this country. You need to get to the smallest village in the furthest corner? Sure you can find 3 buses that will take you there…They have a huge bus centers where you go to catch buses for certain regions of the country. Very straight forward system. For some reason, that organization hasn’t trickled down to the local bus system. I am in Heredia; it is the 3rd largest city in the COUNTRY. There are no bus stops anywhere in this city! I will walk down the street and see people standing in the most random places. I will ask what is this about… waiting for work, some type of group finishing a meeting. No, they are waiting for the bus. Go back to that place tomorrow to catch that bus…they aren’t there! Who decides where the stop is day to day?! Why does it have to be a secret?! Why can’t they just keep it in one spot?! Who are they trying to keep off the bus?!!? I have really researched this. I have looked all over the city for strange marks that might indicate a bus stop and nothing. But I’m not giving up!

I lived with a host family in Costa Rica. The family had a son around my age, 23. We became friends and I spent much of my time with James and his friends. Well, James and his friends would go to strip clubs from time to time. I’m extremely shy and get more so with all those naked women around. What I’m trying to say is I was forced, yes FORCED to visit these vile locals that exploit women! Buuut, while I was there, I noticed this…In Costa Rica you never pay to get into strip clubs No matter how nice or dumpy it is, you don’t pay. Maybe this is the American in me coming out, but they are losing out on money. Men will pay to see naked women. It’s a simple fact of life. When naked women are involved, men will pay. Oh and strippers dance with clothes on longer than off. Maybe they did that back in the 50’s, but in the 21st century?? I can see women in bikinis and lingerie on Baywatch. Another strange thing…there is ONE dancer up on stage and that is IT. No other dancers walking through the crowd or other dancers getting ready to go up on stage..Just ONE dancer up on stage, when she finishes and goes back stage you have a room full of horny men sitting around in a room listening to bad music. Talk about awkward? The whole atmosphere in strip clubs is odd. Men just watch the strippers, only watch. No talking amongst friends, no whistling, no laughing with their friends, no blinking! Just staring like they are in some hypnotic trance. Felt like I was in a movie theater full of white people and if I said something they would shush me. Oooh the music they play in the strip clubs.. I am shaking my head in amazement. First of all there is no DJ, just piped in music from what source I don’t know. It was like someone’s 7th grade mix cd. Who plays Hotel California by the Eagles in a strip club? Or Boyz II Men End of the Road?? I’m in the club about to cry listening to Phil Collins Another Day in Paradise. Where is the booty shakin’ music?! The 95 South, 69 Boyz, 2 Live Crew the music where the strippers make their asses clap like they at a gospel concert!!?? Strippers earn a wage in Costa Rica, there is no tipping. I saw strippers come in and punch a time clock. My question is, if you ain’t makin hella tips stripping, WHY would you want to be in a room of horny men leering at you all night making minimum wage?? And you can’t really justify stripping without the money. I mean, I’m sure there are women who are exhibitionists, but in Costa Rica, they make the same as cashier clerk at the market. So why do it?? Go to the beach wear a thong, you’ll get hella attention and be able to tell your mother what you do for a living. Last thing…the customers can sleep with the strippers!! They see it as, why go to a strip club, see something you want, and not be able to have it. Of course payment is involved. Maybe that’s why the women don’t sweat the wage and no tips thing. Hhhmm….. Things are seriously different here.

Daaaamn that was a long observations of strip clubs! Sounds like I had my ass in strip clubs every day making “observations”. Well I wasn’t!

They love black people in Costa Rica! I swear. They really love black people in Costa Rica. A little history on the country. Costa Rica doesn’t have that fertile land to support all those crops that needed huge slave populations. Throw in the area didn’t have a large indigenous population to begin with, and a lot of Costa Ricans look European. In the 1950’s they had a large Jamaican population move in to help build their national railroad. In these days, who is going to make the most money? The person who only speaks Spanish? Or the person who is fluent in Spanish and English? Well they speak English in Jamaica. Ok, some people might argue against that, but still. So the black people in Costa Rica usually have higher paying jobs. I would be walking along the street and it would be like a demolition derby for taxis trying to stop and pick me up. They know a black person isn’t going to stiff them on the fair. With the more European looking Costa Ricans there is no guarantee. Talk about the twilight zone! White teachers have me get the taxi cause as soon as I put out my hand, about 3 come out of nowhere and stop. It’s like they are stalking me or something! I heard once walking down the street, a grandmother telling her young grandchild, “See that man right there honey? That is the kind of man you need to marry when you grow up, a beautiful black man.” The little girl had blonde hair and blue eyes! I learned how lucky I am to be black living OUTSIDE of my own country…Now ain’t THAT a bitch?!

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